Being a parent is not easy. It never has been and I suspect it never will be. Recently I heard the disturbing news that the minor children of a dear friend have been engaging in sexual activities with each other. Most people might approach this as a scandalous, unsavory kind of subject which should not be talked about much less discussed in such a public forum as this blog. Well, I promised my readers to broach all subjects without fear and if I was to think as most people, I would be the type of person, I really don't care too much about.
As a survivor of sexual child abuse myself, I can give a unique first hand perspective as to why children would venture into childhood sexual behavior, and perhaps shed some light into what type of emotions and impulses are driving such behavior and finally how you can best help your child if you are ever found in the nightmarish scenario my sweet kind friend finds herself in right now.
My heart broke when I heard my friend lost control upon discovering her children in sexual play and beat all three of them. Violence is not the way to solve this problem. Parents need to remain in control if they are to get a positive result to any situation regarding their children. Children involved in such activities need to be secluded, interviewed and protected. They will need counseling and parents need to prepare themselves because the road back to normalcy will be long and hard. Children involved in sexual activities are children that have been exposed to sex in an unhealthy and damaging way. They either have seen it or have experienced it through a sexual predator.
Most children do not understand that they have the right to refuse something that does not feel right to them. Sexual predators will use guilt, manipulation, fear, or any other means available to them to reach the child and break down their natural defenses. That is the main reason I advocate speaking freely to your children about all subjects and keeping that communication flowing freely so that parents realize what is going on in their children's lives. Don't assume that your well adjusted intelligent child will not fall victim to a vile adult, make sure they don't, speak to them.
Sexually abused children have to deal with their own feelings of guilt and culpability. They often wonder what they have done to have provoked such actions from the sexual predator. They are easily confused with feelings of pleasure and the forbidden. Once ensnared into participating, the cycle of abuse becomes more elaborate since the sexual predator will use those same feelings of guilt and culpability against the child to secure their future cooperation.
My advice to my friend is that she seek counseling for her children. Comfort your children and let them know that you over reacted and that their inappropriate behavior does not diminish your love for them. Let them know that the nightmare is over. That you are there to protect them. I will let my friend know that she is not alone and she has friends and family who will help her through this. I will advocate patience, love and understanding. Let us who love you help you and your children.
As a survivor of sexual child abuse myself, I can give a unique first hand perspective as to why children would venture into childhood sexual behavior, and perhaps shed some light into what type of emotions and impulses are driving such behavior and finally how you can best help your child if you are ever found in the nightmarish scenario my sweet kind friend finds herself in right now.
My heart broke when I heard my friend lost control upon discovering her children in sexual play and beat all three of them. Violence is not the way to solve this problem. Parents need to remain in control if they are to get a positive result to any situation regarding their children. Children involved in such activities need to be secluded, interviewed and protected. They will need counseling and parents need to prepare themselves because the road back to normalcy will be long and hard. Children involved in sexual activities are children that have been exposed to sex in an unhealthy and damaging way. They either have seen it or have experienced it through a sexual predator.
Most children do not understand that they have the right to refuse something that does not feel right to them. Sexual predators will use guilt, manipulation, fear, or any other means available to them to reach the child and break down their natural defenses. That is the main reason I advocate speaking freely to your children about all subjects and keeping that communication flowing freely so that parents realize what is going on in their children's lives. Don't assume that your well adjusted intelligent child will not fall victim to a vile adult, make sure they don't, speak to them.
Sexually abused children have to deal with their own feelings of guilt and culpability. They often wonder what they have done to have provoked such actions from the sexual predator. They are easily confused with feelings of pleasure and the forbidden. Once ensnared into participating, the cycle of abuse becomes more elaborate since the sexual predator will use those same feelings of guilt and culpability against the child to secure their future cooperation.
My advice to my friend is that she seek counseling for her children. Comfort your children and let them know that you over reacted and that their inappropriate behavior does not diminish your love for them. Let them know that the nightmare is over. That you are there to protect them. I will let my friend know that she is not alone and she has friends and family who will help her through this. I will advocate patience, love and understanding. Let us who love you help you and your children.
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